Coming Out

I am the maid of honor in my best friend since childhood’s wedding.  I walk in to a couple’s shower for her and realize it is mostly her college friends that I don’t know very well.  No big whoop, I am great in these situations.  I can talk to a wall if I need to.  I have a met a few of them at other wedding events, so make my way over to some familiar faces.    I start talking to a guy I have met maybe twice.  The convo goes like this, no joke…

Me:  “Hi, How are you?”

Guy:  “Fine. How are you?”

Me: “Fine.What is new with you?”

Guy:  “Well… I am a homo.”

Me:  (Thinking this is some sort of a weird joke I say with a slightly sarcastic tone):  “Really?”

Guy:  “Ya, really.”

Me:  “Oh! (long pause) When did this happen?”

Guy:  “Today, actually!”

Me:  “Who have you told?”

Guy:  “Hmm…actually, you are the first person I have told.”

PANIC SETS IN!  I try to remain calm.  For some reason this guy has decided that he wants to come out of the closet to ME standing in the middle of a party.  I guess I have made him feel comfortable, so I try to continue to “be cool.”  I had the thought - what a strange and offensive word to use to tell me this news.  Homo?  But if he’s gay and he’s using it, I guess I should be cool with it too! 

Me:  “Good for you!  Congratulations!  Is that such a relief?”

My attempt at “being cool” fails miserably.  The look on my face must have said it all when he asks, “What did you think I said?”

Me:  “You are …. (scared to say the word out loud) a homo?”

Guy:  “Um, no!  I am a home-OWNER.  I bought a house today.” 

I start laughing so hard that it causes a scene, and I proceed to tell the entire party about the conversation.  Poor guy bought a house and my terrible hearing completely stole his thunder!