I’m at work and in charge of implementing a new software program (this makes me sound smart. Don’t worry, I’m not.) for the company and teaching everyone to use it properly. I set up a lunch meeting with one of the senior people I work with – we’ll call him Boogie - along with 2 IT guys.
I arrive first. Let me paint the picture of this meeting place. We are in Boogies office, which he keeps VERY tidy. There isn’t one thing on his desk except his computer off to the side. I sit directly across the desk from him – me on one side, he on the other, and a clean, clear desk between us. So, we make awkward, at-work, small talk while we wait for the IT guys arrive.
It isn’t long after I begin small-talking that I notice he has a booger in his nose. I know that this happens – and everyone gets them, blah blah blah. But, this was no ordinary booger. This thing takes up his entire right nostril. And as he breaths, it vibrates in and out of his nose. So, I talk, and words are coming out of my mouth, but all I can think about is the monster coming out of his nose. And, I know he knows that something isn’t right because he keeps batting at his nose and sniffing and stuff. I make my side of this conversation stop because I am so scared to keep talking for fear the word “Booger” will come flying out of my mouth like that gas commercial.
He starts talking, while still continuing to touch his nose. Well, one touch too many sends this booger shooting straight out of his nose and onto the pretty, clean, clear desk. It is laying there between us as if it is interested in joining our conversation as well. We stop talking, look at it, look at each other and then look down at it again. My face starts to feel very hot. Boogie then starts talking again, tries to act smooth (too late), picks it up and flicks it into the trash can as if this was not at all embarrassing and he was totally comfortable with the whole thing. So, he attempts to keep talking while looking at my face, which was a bright shade of fuchsia. He finally just stops, swallows his pride, looks down in shame and says,
“Lolo…Why didn’t you tell me I had a booger?”
I burst into the loudest laugh you’ve ever heard since I need the emotional release in a major way. I laugh until tears are rolling down my face. I laugh too hard and for too long. I’m not sure what he is doing because I am too busy swimming in my own relief. With that, the other 2 IT guys walk into our meeting and I force myself to gain composure.
We all start eating our food, mine being a peanut butter and jelly sandwich which I am shoving into my mouth to stuff down my embarrassment and laughter. It’s time for me to start teaching software implementation to them – which feels so unsuitable at this point, but anything to change the subject is good. So I put down my half-eaten sandwich and begin to teach. But I feel like I have peanut butter all over my face. I start talking, but feel paranoid about the food on my face. Conversation:
Me (while wiping my face with my hand): Whoa, sorry guys - I feel like I have peanut butter all over my face?! Do I?
Boogie: No Lolo, you don’t. And don’t worry, if you had something on your face…I would tell you (he says with a knowing grin and a wink).
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